Day 48: July 18th

#healthymichelley feels f-ing AMAZING!

REST DAY

TRUST THE PROCESS

This cartoon is everything. Life is a constant battle when it comes to making choices about how to live. I never trusted myself when it came to making decisions about anything. I always felt that other people just knew how to do things better. I always doubted myself when it came to having to make any sort of decisions on my own. Always seeking validation and approval for my choices. As if somehow, approval would make my choices, the 'right' choices.

Just look at this cartoon!!! It's so symbolic for me! He's digging away working hard going by his gut. His first instinct on how to go about finding his diamond was bang-on! But he gets distracted by other people's success. In an instant he forgets his own instinct and chases a common path. One that has proven to bring happiness.

This cartoon was me. In my approach for the seemingly perfect life, I forgot myself. I forgot who I was. I forgot what I wanted in life. I forgot what I NEEDED in life. I gave up my happiness in pursuit of validation. All that mattered was making sure that I had things in my life that other people thought I should have.

A University Degree.

A stable, secure job.

A happy marriage.

A handsome husband.

A beautiful home.

A huge bank account.

A perfect body.

A plan to start a family. Or better yet, a baby on the way.

A perfect, happy life...

In truth, I didn't ever really stop to think about what I actually wanted in my life. I was almost living robotically in that sense. Chasing after "the ideal life" . Degree. Job. Travel. Boyfriend. Engagement. Marriage. Career. Family. Without even thinking about what kind of life would make me happy, I chased the only path I knew.

BUT I REALIZE NOW THAT IT WAS CRAZY TO NOT KNOW MYSELF. IT WAS CRAZY TO FOLLOW SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAMS. IT WAS CRAZY TO LIVE UNHAPPY JUST TO MAKE SURE I STAYED 'ON TRACK'.

Because when my life started crumbling... when all of those choices that I chased trying to make my life perfect started falling apart... I cracked. I broke. I literally died. The girl I knew, was gone.

So I had a choice to make. Die or change paths. Dying seemed the easiest...

But instead I chose life and I've started to rebuild. This time, I'm choosing my own path. I'm making choices that feel right for me and I don't care what other people think. Screw the societal 'rules'. Screw the idea that my life should be on some sort of fucked up standard timeline. I played by the rules once and the rules destroyed me.

Moving forward, I'm going to start trusting myself. I'm going to trust the process of making choices, making mistakes and continuing to forge my own path no matter how far off the grid it may seem to others. I'm going to keep digging and digging until I find my diamonds.

Truth be told, the digging has been the greatest part in all of this!

Do your thing. Do it unapologetically. Learn to tune out the voices and the people that tell you your ideas, your dreams, your wants, and your needs aren't worth the sacrifice of straying from 'the ideal life'.

And then go live! TRUST THE PROCESS. Life is not a race. No one gets out of this world alive. And in the end, it's so short. So let's all do our best to make ourselves happy as often as we possibly can.